He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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