Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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