I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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