I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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