Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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