my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
