Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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