im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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