Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
