I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he thought i was a dude.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She's just so happy...and so naked.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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