he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
