For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
