my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
