apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
