I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
