So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
