I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
