I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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