I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
