Dude my mom stole all your condoms
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
