My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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