I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
