I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
