oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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