i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
