She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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