Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
