You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
