if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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