I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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