Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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