She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
