wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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