It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
