Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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