She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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