he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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