i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
