I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize