I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize