I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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