Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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