I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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