I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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