i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
