I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
