Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
