Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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