I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
