I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize