I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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