Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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