kristin has been a bad kristin
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
