Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
