I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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