If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
