It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
