It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
