Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
