this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
