Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
smell my finger.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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