My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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