my phone needs a breathalizer
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
