and you said cock pushups were impossible
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
