yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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