let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
