Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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