So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
