You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Are my feet made of real feet?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
